Loss and Aging

Adapted from: “Helping Older Adults Cope With Loss”
Bert Hayslip Jr., Phd.
Courtesy of: TLC Group - Dallas, TX 1995

What binds people together as human beings, regardless of their age, is that they all will have to deal in some way with losses of many types throughout their lives. While they may not all experience the same type of loss, rebuilding their lives and relationships after a loss is a universal challenge that everyone must face.

Primary and Secondary Losses

Distinguishing between the primary and secondary losses that older persons experience is important for several reasons. While our society typically recognizes PRIMARY LOSSES as universal, personal, and socially significant, we often unfairly associate such losses with the aging process. This can result in underestimating the impact of a loss on an older person due to the belief that aging in some way better prepares a person to cope with such a loss.

In contrast, SECONDARY LOSSES, while equally impactful, are less obvious to most persons and sometimes are not considered losses at all. It is important to remember that-due to the often unique effects all losses have on older adults-it may take longer than expected for them to work through their feelings and so greater sensitivity and support should be shown during times of extreme sadness and loneliness.

1. Primary Loss: A loss that alters a person’s relationships with others, or affects one’s well-being or health. Primary losses include:
• The loss of one’s health through illness or injury
• The loss of one’s work role through unemployment or retirement
• The loss of one’s spouse, children or grandchildren
• The loss of long-time friends or associates
• The loss of one’s own life
2. Secondary Loss: A loss that is triggered by any primary loss, such as those mentioned above. Secondary losses may include:
• The loss of one’s independence, health, or ability to care for oneself on a day-to-day basis
• The loss of one’s role as a productive individual in the family or community
• Loss of one's sexuality or feelings of intimacy
o Changes in one’s appearance

• Isolation from other persons
• A decline in income or earning power
• A decline in self esteem resulting from other secondary losses
3. Guidelines: No hard and fast rules can be given when discussing a person's reaction to loss. However, the following points are important to remember when helping older persons work with a loss:
• Each individual’s reaction to loss is UNIQUE
• Most primary losses precipitate major adjustments in the lives of older adults
• The reactions to and effects of secondary losses depend on the individual and the coping skills he or she has learned from the family system
• Primary losses are most always recognized as real by family, friends, and the community
• Secondary losses are seldom recognized as real by others as these are often more subjective and less tangible than primary losses

TLC Group grants anyone the right to use this information without compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit or as training materials in a profit making activity such as workshops, lectures, and seminars, and so long as this paragraph is retained in its entirety.

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